Orientation Ramblings

I am sitting in the library, in a circle of very comfortable armchairs; Matilda & Daniel sit opposite me. Here are a few thoughts I have been having - mainly inspired by the back issues of 'The Log' (Pearson's version of a yearbook).

It is crazy to me to see familiar faces in these logs, I found a letter my mother wrote about her second years and how much she misses them. Will I feel the same way? The topic of the year ending comes up sometimes but is quickly brushed over and dismissed with a "let's not talk about that", which is only a temporary solution. At the very least it leaves us in bliss.

I never use my computer or phone here. Granted, I have 'misplaced' my phone (a word I use to mask the fear that I've lost it), so maybe that helps a bit. To be fair, I have been told by everybody that things just pop up here, so I will just wait for now. I tried to Skype my mother last night, but it didn't work out. I feel strangely detached from the world outside of Pearson. The whole of the Goose just feels like an extension of campus, so it's sort of like you never leave. Now, gone are the feelings of needing to catch up with everyone's Instagram post, read all the captions and comments. Gone is the need to post a picture, upkeep my streaks (those are unfortunately long dead). It is so incredibly liberating, who knew it could feel so freeing. I wish the world could go back to a time before social media.

Yesterday I put up my decorations in my room. Marika & Emily helped me collage my photos, covering up the peeling paint from the walls. Now when I walk up the steep stairs to my bed I get hit by a wall of color and faces and places, which I find so wonderful. There's also a wall of photos that I've taken by myself which is so cool, and has not really happened before. It is nice to be able to say "I took these photos".

On Monday night, we all gathered in the Max Bell Theatre to sing together. I found it totally beautiful, group singing is so therapeutic in the way that you really do feel connected to other people. There were a bunch of second years who started to cry, and that made me feel really sad. I found out later that we were singing one of the songs that they used to say goodbye to their second years.

After choir, we had a tone setting meeting. It involved a few moderators who organized the discussion and second years stood up to introduce different topics they felt needed to be a part of the tone that was set. The moderators framed it as a discussion between first and second years, and we discussed sex in rooms, use of phones, respect for each other, and a few other topics. I felt that while overall the productivity of the meeting will be difficult to really ascertain, their were a few aspects of the meeting that I disliked. This included the use of moderators to curtail fellow students' thoughts. I understand that for some there is a want to not spend hours discussing things, but I feel that we should really weigh the importance of what we are discussing, and treat it with the respect that it's importance demands. For a tone setting meeting, with an aim to establish a base understanding amongst students, I was surprised that people were wanting it to end as quickly as possible. It feels like such an important topic should really just be given as much time as possible. I also feel that the notion of not wanting to sit in the Max Bell for forever listening to others lends an air of disrespect towards fellow students. Yes, some people may talk for too long and stray off topic, but there seemed to be an undercurrent of 'we have something better to do', which I felt was antithetical to the whole mission of Pearson.

Already I am finding it difficult to remember the specificities, and little beautiful moments, that have occurred. I guess there is a solace in simply knowing that moments like that did exist, but it also makes me more focussed on trying to keep up with my writing, both here & in my journal. It is really hard, but I'm going to try my best! I also don't want to be too swept up in writing, and not actually live in the moment.

Until next time,
Love
Theo

Update

Hey! Sorry for not posting for a bit - Pearson has this great thing where there's no wifi in the house for the first two months of the year to encourage socializing, so wifi can be found in the student commons or in the library. I've not spent much time on the internet at all, so I've not been down to the library much, and have really just been typing blog posts in my notes. I finally just posted them though - after a slight delay.

It's been 5 days here at Pearson now. Orientation is in full swing! I went kayaking this morning while another group took the vans to East Sooke Park. The weekend was wonderful - two walks to Matheson Lake, then further onto the cliffs for cliffjumping & Cougar Ridge (what a stunning view). Sunny, lake swimming. It felt almost like a holiday! I've also misplaced my phone on campus so I'm trying my hardest to find that, and this is also the reason I've probably not replied to your messages, but don;t worry, I'm alive.

I've made good friends with my Italian housemate, Marta. As well as Morganne, and Adrita, and Alma. I also get along well with my coyears like Lara, Anne Sophie, and of course my roommates are really starting to bond with each other (I hope).

Will write more soon (and definitely upload pictures, as soon as I find my phone!).

Bye!
Love,
Theo

Last Night

Last night, was incredible. It felt like such a “Pearson moment”. 

But before that - I want to write that I bay jumped for the first time on the afternoon of the 31st! And wow! It’s absolutely completely freezing (but of course), but holding hands and jumping into the water is very fun. My East House co-year, Marika, told me that for Year 44, the goal is to do 44 bay-jumps over the two years here, but I’m not sure if I can jump in 43 more times since I spent a while after shivering on the docks!

The moment started at 7:30, when all the East House firsties gathered in our houseparents’, Theron & Elizabeth, house to meet and talk to each other. We went around in a circle sharing one thing that we brought from home. It was illuminating to see what my dear coyears held close to their hearts, and to see the first signs of enormously talented individuals (Theron played the flute, and Joanne played the violin!). Afterwards we played a clapping game which I was quite bad at, but it was definitely still funny. Theron & Elizabeth have two children - Solomon & Mirabai, who are adorable and playful, plus a dog named Bear, who is very friendly and just loves getting patted and scratched and whatnot. Elizabeth made us some delicious brownies, and after the games, we all sat or stood around their kitchen and ate brownies while chatting to each other. I spoke a lot to Lara & the Dutch girl from Nova Scotia (names are still not coming to me yet!). (I’m coming back to this blog post later on, and her name is Marika!!)

After that we all congregated at the East House Box (one of many perks: all meetings take place in front of our house). Everyone had been told to meet there at 9 for a walk to the soccer field. As is the norm at Pearson, we ultimately waited about 20 minutes for other people to come along before we eventually departed. We walked about 20 minutes through the woods past the tennis courts and eventually made our way into a football field, which was perfect since I love wide open spaces. And of course, the stars were glistening in the sky, and the moon! The moon was so bright up in the sky, it was so beautiful. We all stood in the biggest circle of people I’ve ever seen, and then were told to spread out, look up at the stars and spin. It’s called star spinning, and it was such a disorienting, giggly, experience. At one point, a flashlight was shone, and as instructed we were all to run towards it. Of course, this resulted in staggering and bumping, and a few very funny falls! Then we all lay down, looked up at the stars and thought about someone we love, or someone who helped us to get to Pearson. It felt like such a beautiful moment where all our energies were syncing and intermingling with each other to create this cosmos of stars on the ground. I felt so connected to these relative strangers, their willingness to accept all these new people openly and kindly was so felt at that moment. After this, we got back into a circle and ‘popcorn style’ called out someone or something that we were grateful for. It was again so gratifying to hear the love of all my fellow students. 

At this point, jet lag was fast catching up to me, so I lay back down to look at the stars, and while everyone else walked back to school I stayed there with Carli, Veli, and Emilio. We spoke about subjects and life, and laughed a lot. We started to walk back to school, then I realised I had left my phone at the football field, so we walked back and luckily found it :) 

When I got back home I was delighted to see some people in our day room, even though it was almost 11. They were talking in what’s called a ‘cuddle puddle’ - where they all lie on each other and talk. It’s an intensely intimate thing for me - and I was surprised to see myself joining them when they asked me. I guess that;s something I’ve learnt though - to just take the risks, push my boundaries, and say yes even if I’m not sure. And I’m glad I said yes - it’s a very nice and reassuring thing to do. 

What a night on Vancouver Island - a magical and fulfilling night. Here’s to more of them. 

Love,

Theo

First Two Days

Hi! I’m writing this to you from the East House day room , listening to the sound of practicing violins, and watching the late afternoon sun drift through the windows. It is a beautiful sight. 

It’s also something that I’ve got to do more here - meaning, making sure to appreciate the smaller moments, and imbue them with greater meaning and significance. I’ve got to remind myself that my greatest memories needn’t be ones with ‘huge’ (exciting/momentous) things taking place. 

Well, it’s been two days here at Pearson so far! I arrived yesterday around 10am, driven by my mama’s old Pearson co-year Robert! He told me lots about his work as a First Nations lawyer, as well as a brief overview of the history of First Nations in Canada. It definitely made me more interested in finding out more about their history. 

It was really strange driving back onto campus; there was a sense of familiarity. No doubt from when I first was on campus in 2012 for Mama’s reunion, but it was definitely weird to see pictures and videos of the place that I’d been looking at for the past few months suddenly appear as real life in front of my eyes. This was incredible! A few things that struck me about the Pearson campus on my first revisit/entrance: the bay is absolutely beautiful, the hills are steeper than I could’ve imagined, the campus is larger than I expected, and the grass is very very dead. Once out of the car, I went to the Admin building, and got my stuff sorted to go to East House, where I’d been told I would be living!

The rest of the day was a blur, already so much has happened and I don’t know how best to describe it without going overboard! Let’s try to streamline things: I met my 3 roommates all at different times; Martha from Oman when I entered my room, Thompson from Brazil when we played icebreakers on the East House Lawn, and Iñaki from Argentina/France when his bus came at 8pm. I toured campus twice: first with Eric (Norway) when I first arrived and was lost as to what to do, and then again with Yucheng (China), my buddy, when he took me around. I am most struck by the spiritual centre, art building, the hammocks on campus, and the deer. 

It seems crazy to me how in only two days, I feel quite at ease on campus already. My first day did feel at times completely overwhelming, but as long as I expressed how I was feeling to people, they were always understanding and caring. I definitely had to go into the library a few times to just be quiet and read a little throughout the day, but I think it’s natural to want to have moments to yourself at times. Life here so far seems inundated with things to do and people to talk to, which is totally great, but also exhausting. Once I hit my pillow, I fall asleep almost instantly, and I’m waking up early too! I think this may still be jet lag hitting me, so I’m not sure how much longer it’ll last, but it has been nice to be up early to catch the last bits of sunrise & be one of the few early birds at breakfast.

That’s all for now - I hope everyone at home is doing well. I will include some pictures down below.  

8000m

As I write this, I am about 8000m above sea level, in between Seattle & Victoria. It’s been a pretty harrowing flight experience, but I was lucky enough to have my uncle pick me up on my five hour layover in Seattle and drive me to Angle Lake Park, where we sat under the trees and talked whilst eating Chicken Shawerma -“the best in Seattle”-, and deliciously ripe nectarines - “the fruit of the summer”. 

I’m at once nervous and excited about going to the college in two days. I cannot wait to be back in a small, tight-knit community, and am looking forward to living closely with people again. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of the IB, the work that lies ahead does frighten me! I can only hope that I’ve chosen subjects that I genuinely enjoy learning about, so the effort put in doesn’t feel like a chore. 

I’m nervous about making friends all over again - and conscious about first impressions and what not. I normally feel quite scrutinised in these situations, but I also don’t want to be a idealised version of myself just for the sake of first impressions. My sister Anya told me to carefully peel back layers of myself, and this sounds like a good idea because then I’m not trying to necessarily disguise myself as anything, but just being aware that there’s no shame in opening yourself up slowly in a new environment, to a lot of new people. 

The landing announcements are being made now - hopefully my study permit on arrival works out. I’m staying with my mama’s old Pearson friend, Robert Janes, in Victoria. Will update as soon as possible! Goodbye for now. 

1 Week

Dear Blog (?),

There's just a week left till my flight takes off for Victoria, and I think the word that I can most associate with, apart from the colourless 'sadness', is solastalgia:

I chanced upon this word while scrolling through tumblr the other day, and immediately connected to it. It's so wonderful when you find a word that you never knew existed, that defines the way you've been feeling. Apparently, it was coined in 2003 by Glenn Albrecht, a philosopher, and it's made up of a combination of the Latin word sōlācium (comfort) and the Greek root -algia (pain). It's something that has really hit me this summer, in many different ways.

For a start - the Singapore I knew at the start of the year, the one whom I'd never been away from for more than a month, has changed before my eyes. There are new buildings, and construction sites have given way to shiny new hotels or train stations. Old buildings have been torn down, cultural institutions like the Sungei Road Thieves Market have been closed, and slowly I find myself less familiar with these same streets that I thought I knew for my whole life. Traffic is redirected, lanes are closed. I can't remember many of the bus routes that I used to recall instantly. It's a strange feeling of sensing that something is changing, and I do feel it's for the worse. 

At home, things seem to be in upheaval too. Moving back was an interesting experience: how does one go from almost absolute freedom to a more limited living experience? Once again, reconciling what I used to know with new knowledge was complicated: even more so when it applies to those you hold closest to you, your family. It was confusing to examine the new dynamics and relationships in the house. It struck me midway through the summer, that this was a pretty momentous occasion, my older sister Anya is leaving for university at the end of the summer, and I also realized she'll be turning 20 this year and really saying goodbye to her formal childhood. That was really hard on me, I think because I feel very pressured by what are probably societal constructs that dictate how our relationship as siblings will now be. I'll have to do a bit more thinking about 'growing up' and what that means to me, and whether my definition was given to me, or created by myself. I feel like it's the former, and I should strive to create a new definition. I have the funny idea that all of a sudden we'll only see each other at holidays, for a week or two, and sit through a few dramatic and tense family dinners. But I have to remind myself that life is hardly a movie, and this isn't going to play out how I picture it. 

Alongside Anya leaving, I'm figuring out how I feel about leaving too. While I'm beyond excited to start my Pearson journey, I'm feeling a lot of regret about not being physically with my little sister to help her through high school and being a teenager, not spending time with my parents when I'm gone, and not getting to spend more time with my beloved Tita before she leaves in October. To be fair, I'm not entirely sure if she's actually leaving, but I'm acting as if she is so I won't feel more regret if she does depart. I think regret is an interesting thing to ponder on, I know that for me, it stems from a want to do as much as possible, I have to recognize that in most cases, I'm helpless to the outcome. All I can do is to use my time as best as possible, and show my love & affection for those around me as much as possible before I move across the world. So I suppose writing this has helped me to realize that.

I didn't mean to make this blog post a stream of consciousness - I'll definitely have to start editing down for clarity. But I also wanted to write that today I met up with Sha, my Singaporean co-year, for a coffee and a chance to get to know each other a little bit before getting to Pearson. She was so lovely, and I was really happy to see that the conversation flowed really quickly and easily between us. She seems imminently knowledgeable, and I'm so happy to be able to have a country mate whose kind and that I so far get along with! We talked about our shared fears, excitement, and about how we feel about Singapore - especially about the educational system. 

I also found out that I'll be living in East House through an email from my house parents - Theron & Elizabeth Shaw, who are new houseparents this year - our newness is something we already have in common. I'm tremendously excited, even though I was sort of hoping for a renovated house! But, I'll be glad to be further away from the other houses, and with a great front lawn according to my mom! 

I still haven't packed, but Anya was packing for university today and discovered vacuum packs from Daiso - which are ingenious and will save me a lot of space. I also decided to bring a razai from home because it can easily be vacuum packed, and I'll be glad to have something that reminds me so deeply of home to fall asleep in. 

3 Weeks

There's just three weeks till I arrive on campus at Pearson, and I am pinching myself.

Pinching to check if my mind is playing tricks on me - has summer really almost come to an end? Has it really been 2 months since I left my friends? Am I really about to leave home and only come back one year later? These questions lie unresolved in my mind, percolating and demanding attention. But, I can't bring myself to think about them as I know that there is innate sadness to be uncovered. The truth is; time has passed, uncontrollably quickly. Another truth is that the time has been meaningful, I have been working shifts at a restaurant, learning some skills some of which may still not be fully obvious to me yet. I have seen my lovely friends from school in Singapore, other friends from ISAK have come to visit me in Singapore, my family has spent more time together than ever, and we are always meeting more old family friends. I've also been lucky enough to travel solo (as a result of working) and seen more friends. 

Getting to understand their cultures and way of life from a first hand perspective has been fascinating, and I am so grateful to those who have welcomed me graciously into their homes, and taken me around their corners of the world. It's been really wonderful to see the stories of home I'd only heard secondhand unfold in front of me, and I wish to continue to do this as long as it is possible! As my great roommate Yutaro said (or was it Kitsho?, I'm so sorry if this is misquoted) "the world seems smaller". Indeed it does, and I'm very excited to continue to feel that way when I go to Pearson. 

And now that my visa's been approved after a bit of a contentious period with reapplications and frantic emails & calls to the Canadian High Commission in Singapore, I'm all but set to leave! I've just now got to pack - and I am not looking forward to this task. There's the question of what to bring, and more difficultly what to leave behind? I just hope I can fit everything into two or less bags, without forgetting anything important. 

My flight is set to leave Singapore on July 28, and I have layovers in Japan & Seattle before landing in Victoria. My uncle is to meet me in Seattle, and Robert Janes, who used to go to Pearson with my mama is to see me in Victoria where I'll stay with him for a day or two before going to Pearson on the 30th! In the short time remaining, I'll pack, do some administrative tasks, talk to my family and friends (I'd especially want to hear more from my mother about her time at Pearson), and try to cherish my last weeks in Singapore, which I've grown and learnt to truly love this summer. I can't believe I'm leaving so soon! The beginning of a two year journey is about to start.