update!

Hey!

writing this from the observatory: the wind is picking up and my fingers are starting to swell slightly, so this may be briefer than i anticipate.

oct 2nd now: i removed the calendar from my computer's dock to stop being confronted by these numbers of days passing, its futile anyway, and i'd much rather just be happy in the swirl of undocumented time. except for deadlines, because i cant miss a deadline.

oh man but nowadays its like im swimming in deadlines. as niko said the other day, it feels like free time is scheduled in at mealtimes, or CAS, and all other time outside that is solely dedicated to .. work, or at least thinking of work. there is a deadline haunting pearson....

anyway! more happily, it seems that the cyclical nature of pearson is coming into full swing, not just in how people are settling into whatever 'routine' you can think of: which doesn;t imply sameness, just a sense that people have a better feeling of the place.

i wonder what's going on in the heads of first years right now. i can only remember the intensity of my first year, and it must be thrilling for them. i hope it is at least. it cant just be asked of them though: i'll never know how they relly think unless i was in their head. i wish i could be!

hmm lots of things to update, i will try to be succint:

CAS: I am leading Ukrainian Dance and (a new cas this year) the pearson theatre troupe. and i am in diving! diving has been cold, and unlike anything i have ever done before: the sheer willpower to keep going in the ocean has been quite something else, but i really do enjoy looking at all the thingos underwater, and i've really ought to ask laura (my marine science teacher) more questions about what's going on down there. theatre troupe is really fun~ a little stressful, since i am leading it and therefore in charge of its trajectory, and you know, providing a meaningful experience for people who actually signed up for it with their expectations and what not. Ukrainian is as it always was: exhausting, painful, and yet exhilarating in knowing that you put your body through that, and survived!

classes are going well this year! we are studying the second sex in philosophy, and though i struggle to remember what de beauvoir says a lot of the time, i am really enjoying discussing her thoughts and learning more about her perspective on woman. TOK essay has been my enemy this week, but it looks to be conquered shortly. i'm investigating fernando rubio as the theatre theorist for my solo piece, and looking into his ideas on memory, creation of confusing or juxtaposing spaces with ideas and art - inspired by his piece of 12 actresses in 12 beds speaking to 12 audience members about childhood memory and loss. its very atmospheric : about creating a certain mood, which is a challenge i am looking forward to.

i cycled 40km to the sooke potholes and back the other day with marien, foday, and tuva: it was a glorious sunday afternoon and though our butts hurt it was so fun to do something spontaneous! european regional day was a blast, and i loved the formal dinner and seeing everyone so dressed up, and then of course, dancing the night away!! we are thinking of hiking the juan de fuca trail this weekend for thanksgiving! also, i made pesto pasta the other night with the italians in memory of italy and this summer, it was super beautiful.

i hope everyone in singapore is doing well!!!

love,
theo

midsummer

As I always seem to be when another post comes up - I am on a plane. Flying back home, and we’ve almost landed. We’re descending now. I’ve already had 5 weeks at home - mainly consumed by an internship that I had as part of my Extended Home Service working as an Assistant Director on a new play about press freedom in Singapore. It was fascinating stuff, but very tiring. I’ve managed to see almost all my friends at least once, but now there is a different feeling. Last summer, I was in flux, in between Japan & Canada. I’d already left home, yet now I was leaving home again: but not going back to somewhere familiar, now it was totally different, across the world. I was so looking forward to Pearson that I neglected my friendships, didn’t make enough effort. 

This summer it’s different - I’m trying more to see people, spend time with them, and for this I am grateful. It’s lovely to feel rooted back home too. Yet at the same time, I know this is temporary - I know I have 13 days left at home, before I leave again. I’m slightly sad, it’s not long left. But I’m determined to make the days count. Feel like I’ve done what I could have with this time. But, I also know I’ll be coming back home in a year, this time not having returning to Pearson to look forward to, to centre my attention on. I can feel myself slipping back into who I was last summer, and it feels like this year of change and development has meant almost nothing now that I’m back home. Or maybe it’s not showing itself so well. But, I am surprised by how I seem to be picking up where I left of with many things, almost rediscovering interests, things I did. It’s a bit scary too - all these things I’d forgotten about while in Canada, now remembered again. 

I’ll admit that while I cannot wait to see people again, not just see their faces, but really wrap them in my hands, sit with them, smile with them; I am terrified of returning. I don’t know how I’ll be like after this year is over, knowing I will never be at Pearson in the same role again. That student experience will end in a year’s time. But I’m also overjoyed to be spending a year of my life at Pearson. I used to be so fearful of wasting years, not taking the moment for what it was, yet at Pearson I don’t have to worry about it. I know I’ll be happy with my time; spending it there. And this comforts me too. 

Every time I think about going back to campus, I’m happy for a moment until I remember that there will be 70 people’s presences I am missing. I don’t know how I’ll go around the campus and the forest without the painful memory of these people and their shadows in the places we used to be together. I’ve been talking to a few of my second years, asking them the most useful question that I discovered this year - ‘what were you feeling like at this point?’. Our experiences are so similar- there is so much to learn and be comforted from in that fact. Everyone goes through the withdrawal, the sadness. But if my second years were OK, then so will I. 

I’m not sure how to feel about PC45. What a strange feeling; PC45 has never existed to me until this summer. Seeing it now, I’m confused, not used to it. I can’t imagine how all of them feel. I hope that it’s all good though, but I remember the pain of leaving last summer, the fear of stepping into the unknown too. Oh wow. What a journey. And I suppose there is a lot to be said for us, now that we will be taking this journey together. 

I have to remember that impressions are made to be broken: at least from what I’ve experienced. I must remember to keep my mind open to the potential to find beauty in everyone. 

Oh, how I miss Peddar Bay right now. 

Theo

PS: 

I leave for Rome on the 31st. I’ll be seeing Marta soon after that. Hopefully Morgane & Lara join. Oh I can hardly think of it without getting excited. I can’t wait. It will be so thrilling to be alone in a new country for a while! I hope I discover so much, and then will have so much to talk about. Well, not like that’s a problem normally. :-D

The end of first year

This is from 1 June:

And like that it comes to a close. Or half of it does. After two weeks of exams - a blur of studying, late nights and endless food consumption, the final weekend flashed by in too little time. I feel exhausted just thinking about it, and tears threaten to fall if I recall the faces of that weekend.

It feels so unfair - only 2 days to say goodbye to people whom you've lived with for 9 months. 2 days to spend time with everyone you love "one last time" before who knows when. It's incredibly stressful; plus there is a lot of scheduled and planned things - house barbecues, cleanup and packing, etc. Everything doesn't seem real; it all feels like just another day

And now I'm on my way home to Singapore, where I haven't been since last August. I am frankly terrified. What will it be like? No way the same, but maybe familiar? I can only hope so.

I've been home now for two and a half weeks. I've started working at a theatre company as part of my Extended Home Service. I'm trying hard to be happy, to skype friends, write to them... yet the days are filled with innate sadness somehow. It hurts to remind yourself of goodbyes, yet the mind inevitably drifts to them. More updates soon: I still feel like a first year, and don't know how I'll be anything else. 

race rocks

this weekend, we're at race rocks. it is beautiful. the elephant seals are a bit angry but they're still happy in the sun that's peeking out from behind the clouds. we sat in the lighthouse and laughed. i still have to pinch myself that this is real! this is all real. the end of the year is coming, and it is so sobering to remind myself that one year ago, i did not even know that i'd be at pearson. with so little time left, i'm not going to waste a single bit worrying or feeling upset. it's time to live with as little regret as possible.

Project Week beckons...

Sitting on the steps of the Max Bell balcony, in the midst of a One World rehearsal. There's 3 weeks left till this crazy amalgamation of a show, and what with recent fevered discussions about the relevance of One World to the Pearson experience; and proposals of doing One World every 2nd year, it's a little confusing to be in the motions of putting the show together at the same time.

It's undeniable though, that it takes over your life! This morning for example: I was up at 8:30am (on a Saturday no less!!) and went to Ukrainian Dance rehearsal for 2 hours, after which we had Bollywood rehearsal and then a Choir rehearsal. It is definitely intense, but I can't say I'm complaining about all the things that we are doing; it feels much more accomplished to trudge down to breakfast after 3 hours of rehearsals, instead of stumbling out of bed at noon :D

But, I'm writing this post to try and counter an overwhelming sense of apathy that I've been feeling recently. I can't pinpoint when, nor why; but there are so many possibilities! Maybe it's been the work, and how deadlines and assignments have seemed to blur together; then being a lack of time to enjoy the slower more personal moments of Pearson life? Maybe it's an impending sense of fear that time is for sure passing, and so quickly at that; time towards the end of first year, goodbye to second years, the assumption of all that (I'll admit, dreaded) responsibility! But, I think that I will try not to think about 'the end' too much because we're really just past the middle now.

I've not been journalling so much anymore; 'no time' is the excuse easiest to give. But, Raquel an alumni from Spain spent a month at the college and was such a magical, beautiful example of how beauty in souls can never fade; and are certainly not limited to exposition here on campus. Snow fell finally this week! I have been waiting for so long, to see the campus blanketed in a white layer of gorgeous fluffy snow. And everything looks so completely different! Wow! The forest was like entering a new place, like Narnia, and I was completely enraptured by how different a few hours of precipitation could be, oh if only rain made things that wonderful...

Project Week is beckoning - I'm feeling very nervous of the unknown; and to be away from the college. While I definitely need the break from academics, a part of me wishes I could spend the week with all these 200 people, and just not have to study or do homework at all. Engage in all the things I love; painting, walking, reading, tea with friends, rehearsing for dances or plays, climbing roofs, discovering new places, going on adventures, sleeping, watching movies together, dancing in the common room. I wish we had the chance to do these things, at this point now where we're more comfortable with each other, not stuck in the awkwardness and freedom of Orientation!

Special Topics Day came and went - I was really happy to help plan it and the 24 hours of no wifi was just an incredible feeling! I really would like to see more of these days happen, where it feels like the whole campus simultaneously took a deep breath and exhaled. I feel that it would be incredible to challenge ourselves to continue in our daily lives without the use of technology, as I'm sure it can be done.

But, I've got to get back to rehearsals now. I'm not really sure who is reading this, but it seems that someone is - so whether you're a friend from home, or a potential Pearson student, or whatever - have a beautiful week!

theo

First Term?!

Can't really believe first term ended - what an insane, crazy, experience. I've written a first term reflection for my advisor, sitting on the maintenance docks and playing music while looking out on the water, the birds really were swarming in the December cool.

Our last two weeks on campus before we left, we were blessed with the most gorgeous weather I've ever seen since Orientation and September. Every day we saw aquamarine skies and the sun filtering through the trees, and an incredible crisp air (you could wear just a shirt! no jacket!). And I went for so many walks, and adventuring. The one downside was that the sun sets everyday at 4:00pm, which is just sad to be honest. The day seems so short, and when there's so much darkness, I feel uncomfortably like there is something I am missing, 16 years of 7pm daily sunsets really affects you I guess.

But wow, first term. 1/4 of the way through. Kira said that after Ukrainian practice in the last week, and I was really surprised. But, I don't want to think of time at Pearson as something as mechanical and cold as a fraction. It's so much more than just 4 parts. Besides, divisions of time are ultimately meaningless I believe.

And now we're 2.5 weeks into Term 2! Already! And I've taken time to readjust myself, and it feels a little strange sometimes to remember that we even had a Christmas break. When I first came back I was really confused by how different life at Pearson is compared to life outside. The schedule, the invisible routine, the language and vocabulary. For whatever reason, maybe I didn't allow myself enough time to adjust, I felt largely apathetic my first few days. I could not feel the excitement and joy I wanted to feel when I met my friends again, did not feel overwhelming joy or anything. Maybe it's the weather - cold, grey, rainy. Incessant rain, endless. It makes you feel a little bleaker inside.

But, now things are looking up. For one thing, there is still a little bit of navy blue left in the sky now at around 5:30pm, no more 4pm pitch darkness black anymore! Which is joyful. There is so much swirling around us; the common room is reopening, but the pool is closed now; One World auditions came and went so now rehearsals have begun in earnest. First year theatre students are helping the second year theatre students with their production of 'The Laramie Project' (I am an Assistant Director!). There is a lot being mixed around in the atmosphere, like sediment being stirred up in a cool river bank.

But -- thankfully my friends Adela & Marta are back on campus after being delayed at home. It is a bit strange to have a person missing, suddenly your daily movements become different, like a puzzle that's missing one piece; their absence is very noticeable.

With love, and more updates frequently hopefully,
Theo

a tsunami alert

It was 3:30am when Thompson came into the room and woke us up. He was talking rapidly, inserting Portugese words into his sentences. I was confused, bleary eyed, and wondered why I was awake when the view from my window was pitch black. Thompson quickly rattled off that there had been a earthquake near Alaska and now there was a tsunami alert, and we had to go to the Max Bell. And to dress warm.

Next door you could hear people talking, and from outside as well. I pulled on clothes and walked up. There was a stream of people going up, and it was lightly raining. Once in the Max Bell, we sat in our rooms, and waited for more information.

Ty gave us an update about 15 minutes after we got there, and told us that at around 1am there had been a earthquake off the coast of Alaska and a tsunami warning for 3 hours later was in place for the British Columbia southern coast. We were waiting for the Metchosin Fire Department to call and let us know that the warning had been cancelled which happened at around 4:30am.

Apart from a few jokes about just having a village gathering there and then, the hour went by pretty slowly. I was far too exhausted to even talk to people, but others were flitting around talking and laughing. But, it was an exciting time. It occurred to me today, talking to Annie Dina and Cindy, that not once did I ever feel unsafe, or worried, or nervous. I was just thinking that I was safe, and there was going to be a tsunami. Unfortunately, due to the more horizontal nature of the plates' movement, there was a tsunami no taller than 20cm.

Then we were done, and the first two blocks were cancelled, and we went to bed. I fell asleep soundly, not waking up till 9:30, which was the best feeling I'd had in a while.

Now, I am waiting for a power cut that lasts a few days!